Many prospective titles sprang to mind but the one that resonated was:

The Corsairs of Canberra 3.3: From Kirribilli to K.Rudd. – A tour-de-farce in 3 acts.

Cast:

Capt Short-John Howzat! (aka ‘The Kirribilli Kid’): The Scourge of Lake Barely Grafting.
Lt Cdr Custard (aka ‘Seaman Smirk’): 2IC
1st Lt Nelson (aka ‘Stud’ and ‘Capt Flip Flop’): Ship’s surgeon and neophyte martial arts expert.
1st Lt Turncoat: (aka ‘Bondi BovvaBoy’) Ship’s purser and would-be weather prophet.
2nd Lt Drowned: In charge of fishing and expert in tying and untying knots
Petty Officer Redneck: Keeper of the brig and custodian of the plank.
Boatswain Bishop (aka ‘Blue Eyes’ ) – masquerading as a boy.
Able Seaman Abort: Sick-bay attendant and de-facto chaplain.
Able Seaman Android: Escorts prisoners to the brig and pushes them onto the plank.

Act 1

With ‘The Kirribilli Kid’ at the helm, PS Born-to Rule is sailing into turbulent waters, but the Captain is banking on his trusty 2IC to navigate them through any shoals and reefs that lie ahead. They manage to divert their pursuers during their long journey by arranging for children to be thrown overboard in a marine disaster and ensuring that a refugee vessel is turned back and sinks without a trace. However Lt Cdr Custard can see that the ship is now in danger of becoming becalmed and accuses the Captain of not following the agreed course. He urges the Captain to stand aside and appoint him as Captain so they can be sure of reaching their destination which will be through increasingly perilous waters. He is rebuffed and the Captain is even more determined to retain command. Meanwhile 1st Lts Nelson and Turncoat, 2nd Lt Drowned, Petty Officer Redneck, Able Seamen Abort and Android approach the captain in the dead of night urging him to reconsider, but to no avail. To maintain morale Able Seaman Android contrives to declare one of the troublesome crewmen as a stowaway, having him thrown in the brig and, in short order, he is told to walk the plank. The Act ends with Capt Howzat! lost overboard when PS Born-to Rule strikes the Skeptics Reef, in the Bin-a-Long-Time archipelago, that was covered by rising sea water levels due to climate change.

Act 2

Command of the ship should rightfully have passed to Lt Cdr Custard, but in the chaos that followed the foundering of PS Born-to-Rule, he also jumped ship taking the ship’s nameplate with him and replacing it with one hastily procured in an Asian port of call from a semi-literate free-trade contractor. As the two 1st Lt’s were of equal seniority a ballot was taken amongst the remaining crew (as many were lost along with the Captain) and 1st Lt Nelson is named acting-Captain, as he is regarded by the crew as a bit of a ‘Stud’, and in deference to his famous namesake who won the Battle of Trafalgar against overwhelming odds. He thought he was assuming command of PS Born-to-Rule and would emulate his namesake, but failed to note two things: the ship is still firmly stuck on Skeptics Reef and is now sporting a name plate engraved with PS Boned-my-Role. In the turmoil following the wreck Boatswain ‘Bright Eyes’ is unmasked and ‘Stud’, who knew her secret and was sweet on her, contrived to have her promoted to acting-Lt Cdr to make her his 2IC. This got one over 1st Lt Turncoat and protected her from the predatory seamen. Shortly after Lt Cdr Custard is spotted in a rowboat and brought back to the ship where he is court-martialed and reduced to the ranks to become known by his shipmates as Seaman Smirk.

Act 3

In an echo of his namesake Horatio Nelson, the acting-Captain puts his blind eye to the telescope and declares that he ’sees no reefs hidden by rising water levels’, which meant that his popularity with the crew plummeted. The crew began to bicker, he becomes known as Captain ‘Flip Flop’, and they refuse to assist in the recovery of the ship which stays firmly stuck on the reef. To make matters worse 1st Lt Turncoat is constantly sniping at the Acting-Captain, highlighting his indecision, and soon acquires the nickname of ‘Bondi BovvaBoy’ from the crew. Meanwhile Seaman Smirk is weedling his way into the affections of the crew who, unlike the acting-Captain, are aware of the name change and see some prophetic import for the settling of old scores in the corrupted copy of the ship’s name. Soon many are openly calling for him to replace Captain ‘Flip Flop’, as would have been his right by rank at the time, and Seaman Smirk is bought before the Captain to answer charges of inciting insurrection. The final act concludes with a mutiny, with acting Captain ‘Flip Flop’ reduced back to the rank of 1st Lt and being replaced by Seaman Smirk. The ship’s name plate is replaced by a new one with the name PS Begged-to-Return. As the curtain comes down PS Begged-to-Return is still firmly stuck on Skeptics Reef !

http://www.belvoir.com.au/

HW

so good

Gus Says – Nice to meet you. I’ve read your blog a couple of times and you seem v. interesting.

Cellobella – Yes, such great fun. See you in May I hope?