james o'brien

I’ve spent a little bit of time in the last few days – including tonight – looking at online dating sites. I do this from time to time when I’m not out and about, when I’m not working, and when I’m not chatting with people online.

I don’t know why I bother. Deep down inside I’m genuinely not looking for a relationship. I’m pretty happy in my life right now and I quite like living alone. I quite like the solitary life, and probably deep down that’s my natural inclination. By nature I’m probably a little too selfish to be someone you could live happily with. And messy…

But looking at online sites? What’s that about? Perhaps it’s “insurance” for the future? Perhaps there’s something deep inside me which is saying “you may not want a relationship now, but you might want one in five years, so quit stuffing around you middle-aged middle-class wanker?”. But there again, that’s all rather selfish isn’t it? Wanting a relationship because of what you need, as opposed to what you both bring together? And not really why you go into a relationship, is it? Or is it?

As I’ve glanced around these sites I’m not really sure why some of the people are there either. Well, I am sure on some of the sites. On some of the sites, “my people” appear only to be there for a bit of hanky-panky. There’s a lot of people who don’t appear to have a face. You read about some people who sound quite nice and interesting and then you note they have the word “tripod” somewhere in their profile name. There seems to be a lot of people looking for a bit “on the side” “during daytime hours” if you get my meaning.

On the other side of things, there appears to be a few people desperate for a relationship. For some people you see the “biological clock” (or the “psychological clock”) ticking ever so loudly. I’m obviously not one of those people either. If I was to pursue online dating I’m not really sure where I’d fit in. I tried “E-Harmony” which has been advertised on television lately, which directed me to their homo equivalent, “Compatible Partners” and found only three people in the whole of Sydney who matched me for similar age, similar interests etc.

I’ve tried online dating previously. I’ve had a couple of online dates in the last few years. One involved someone who clearly wanted to have sex then there, now, within minutes, in a “do we have to leave the restaurant, can’t we have sex in the toilets?” scenario. On the other occasion, the bloke appeared to be interviewing me for the recently advertised “vacant position” of “boyfriend”. Half way through the “interview process”, I got the strong impression I hadn’t gotten the job. But at the same time, I was kinda relieved.

Clearly it works for many people. It obviously doesn’t work for others. I’m still left wondering if online dating is not for me, or if I’m not for online dating. Maybe it’s not how I connect to people? Maybe I’m better face to face or getting to know someone over several years, as opposed to online?

There again, maybe I’m looking in the wrong places? Someone I know recently told me he’d met someone through Twitter…