Yearly Review 2023

My niece told me she had to summon up all her courage to tell me halfway through the year that my lower right leg had been amputated. I had been in an induced coma for several days and was still heavily sedated, so, in all honesty, I don’t remember the conversation or my immediate reaction.

Pretty quickly, I remembered my grandmother, with whom I grew up, had a diabetes-related amputation as well. I’ve also noted that in 2022, my family had nearly drowned in the Lismore flood. Only a few weeks earlier, I met some people in Cambodia who had amputations due to landmines.

Without the privilege that comes from living in a wealthy country with a great medical system and surrounded by a fantastic network of family and friends, I’ve tried to look on the bright side of what happened to me earlier this year. I’m incredibly grateful to be alive, and to have had all the wonderful support I’ve enjoyed. Many others would not have been so lucky.

There have been a couple of days when I’ve been a little “down.” In both cases, it was due to fatigue more than a any kind of depression about becoming a “person with disability”.

On my first night home after a few months in the hospital, I also shed a few tears. Thankfully, a good friend was with me that night and provided me with great reassurance. Looking back on the situation now, I have to laugh. I was in my own bed, and a tap in the ensuite was dripping. Knowing to stop it, I would first need to get up and put on my prosthetic limb was all too much for me. “You’ve been so good throughout this. You’ve been the model patient. You need to stop worrying about how everyone will respond and just be in the moment,” I remember my friend saying.

At the end of 2023, the response and reaction of friends, family, and colleagues remain higher on my list of concerns than any negative feelings I’ve had myself. Sure, the change is associated with the classic “stages of grief” (denial, anger, acceptance, etc.), which a couple of people have said I’ve gone through “too quickly.” That is to assume a linear approach to the theory, whereas I know at any time I could lapse into a period of negativity.

But what’s the point? Millions of people around the world are in a far more desperate situation than I am, and besides, there is so much to be grateful for this year, including participation in Mardi Gras/World Pride a wonderful two-week vacation to Vietnam and Cambodia with two wonderful friends.

I also had some wonderful time with my family. They’ve come to visit me in Sydney, and I’ve been home to Lismore on a couple of occasions.

As 2023 comes to an end, it’s great being home with my family. After all they’ve been through since the flood almost two years ago, things are looking good as they approach 2024, and hopefully, moving into new accommodation. It will be tough for them in many ways, as they’ve lived in their house since 1968, but now they’re in their 70s and 80s, having somewhere new, modern, and with greater comforts will hopefully make their remaining years a little easier.

As the year comes to an end, I’m thinking about what 2024 has in store. Work has changed quite a bit. The approach to the area of ABC Radio I’ve been looking after changed quite dramatically while I was in the hospital. It was only when I returned part-time to work in November that it became apparent to me. So far, and I’m not 100% sure of what my job will be like in 2024. But in the grand scheme of things, I remain positive that I still have a job, a generous amount of personal (sick) leave up my sleeve, and colleagues who have been supportive with wishes, gifts, and understanding.

The greatest lesson I’ve learned in recent years, and which I’ve been trying to convince family and friends of, is the need to stop for a moment, don’t think too much about what might happen, accept it, and get on with your life. As I’ve lived through the experiences of 2023, I’ve been extremely conscious of the depressive impact of negativity. The whole “glass half full/empty” thing has been a recurrent theme for me this year. Chatting with people recently, I’ve heard too much about all the terrible things that MIGHT happen and not enough about the good things that COULD happen.

As the year comes to a close, my heartfelt message to both myself and to you is to savor the positive moments and express gratitude for the blessings surrounding us. While this may not be a groundbreaking revelation, it’s a sentiment that many individuals like us, who lead privileged lives, might not always do enough.